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The fun begins again or rather continues as the Fictioneers get busy. Thank you Madison Woods for this amazing fun every Friday. Dear readers and Fictioneers, have fun with this prompt from Madison, courtesy of Doug Mcilroy, as you visit other blogs too. A tough one if ever there was one!! Somehow, I have the feeling that I haven’t produced my best this time. You be the judge, dear friends.
My Pilot
He said he wanted to be a pilot, like his father. He loved airplanes, indeed anything that flew in the skies got him excited. As a child he watched the birds as they sped past and laughed at those that settled on the mango tree behind our house, chirping sweet but mournful tunes. Perhaps, theĀ mournful tone should have warned me. But he was only a child then.
Fulfilling his dreams, Kofi soared above the mountains, in his glory gliding dangerously above the glassy plateau until the crash. My son!
Reading Pleasure 
I liked the line about the birds and the alliteration “glory gliding..glassy”
But then I want to know what kind of birds were they? Little details like that might pull me in closer, you know?
Oh Craig, thanks for your comments. But frankly I don’t know about birds, not any exotic one, anyway and I didn’t think I had to name any. Could you suggest some?
You didn’t have to name any, I just think it might make the image more vivid. Google is my best friend when writing, it knows everything, hahaha.
Now why didn’t I think of that? Thanks, Craig. LOL!
What an anti-climax for a protagonist (hero) who had big dreams of being a pilot only to loose his gentle soul in a crash š¦
Yeah, I agree. Sometimes, life is like that. Sad isn’t it?
Was wonderful to connect the crash, back to a child viewing the planes and birds in a romanticized way.
That was the idea. Glad you caught on. Many thanks for the comment.
This was a hymn to human’s strengths and, ultimately, their frailty. Loved your alliteration and the connection to the birds of his youth. The mother’s lamentation at the end…heartbreaking.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you, kind sir. You really gave us a tough one. Or should I say me?
As a pilot myself, I can say you’ve aptly described the emotions we have about wanting to fly. I felt myself soaring with him, but the ending was not what pilots like to see. I loved the alliteration–“glory gliding…glassy.” Very nice. –Maggie
Here’s mine: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/expendable/
OMG! Maggie, that’s wonderful, Never knew you are a pilot. We don’t have a lot of female pilots in Ghana. I agree that pilots would never want to crash, but sometimes like is like that and the unexpected happens. Many thanks for coming over, Celestine.
Poignant. I hurt for the mother.
Me too. Thanks for stopping by.
Aw, mama. Seeing a son grow up to realize his dream. I enjoyed this immensely. A picture of him as a child morphing into a man. Very nice.
My linky: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/the-beautiful-hush/
I know this is a sad tale, but I still liked reading the progression even if the ending isn’t so happy.
It’s the dream of every mother to see her child grow up into adulthood, fulfiling his dreams. But life can be funny at times.
Nice alteration and a lovely juxtaposition between the child’s perspective and the adult reality.
Here’s mine for anyone else that happens along: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-too-near-the-sun/
Many thanks for stopping by to comment.
My heart soared as I read it…I honesstly didn’t see that ending and I felt it (my heart) drop with the last paragraph…great job as always :). Well done, I wonder how you guys do it…
Thanks, Boomie. You can do it too, really. I’ll be happy to see you on FF.
A mother’s reflection. I get a sense that she is going over in her mind the events in her son’s life that she could perhaps have used to somehow change the outcome. I know that as a mother and grandmother I am constantly looking for ways of heading off disaster for all my children.
You’re so right. We will always be mothers, no matter how old our children, worrying on their behalf and looking out for them . Thank you very much.
Oh sad! But also dream fulfilment, so a life lived well.
Thanks so much for your lovely comment on ours:
http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/time-is-running-out (160 words, this week)
I agree. You’re welcome.
A sad story, but you have to assume that he died happy. Well done. Thank you so much for coming by to comment on mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/05/30/friday-fictioneers-1-june-2012-the-conquerer/
I agree; the pleasure is mine. I enjoyed your post.
This was a beautiful story, imbued with a tragic sense of fate. The birds’ “sweet but mournful tunes” that she should have paid attention to was a sublime touch.
Gracias! Much appreicated!
I liked your story… I’m wondering exactly what Kofi did… not so sure it was an airplane…
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-one-natural-disaster-on-its-way/
Do not tell me that is your writing space at top!
My oh my! It is! LOL!
Well, it is an airplane. He grew up to fulfil his dream and died in a plane crash!
Ironically he died living his dream. Very creative.
Mine is at: http://karmicdiva.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-530-via-madison-woods/
Thank you, Karmic Diva.
I find myself wondering if his fate was the same as his father. That would be truly following in his father’s footsteps. Nicely told.
http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/be-warned/
Probably. I dare not go there because of the 100 word limit. Thank you.
Even if she had paid attention to the mournful tunes, his life was his own to pursue. So sad and agonising, but you can feel how loved he was/is. You’re so very good at tugging the heartstrings!
Thanks for stopping by me already š : http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fictioneers-1st-june/
I agree. And thanks for your wonderful words.
Heartfelt and poignant – a mother’s loss is a universal sadness.
Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/flash-friday-fiction-3/
I agree with you. Much appreciation for stopping by.
I love your description of the childish dreams, and the sense of foreboding you weave into the whole piece. It flowed well towards the young man’s fate, but I felt the last paragraph was a bit rushed and I didn’t get on with the final exclamation. I knew it was her son, and after such a calm report, this felt out of place to be.
If this is what you come up with when you struggle with the prompt, it shows what a talent you have for description.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/friday-fiction-guilt-trip/
I am grateful for your comments and happy that you love my descriptions, but I do feel that ‘my son’ is there for eemphasis, to stress her loss in a more poignant manner. LOL!
At least he died fulfilling his dream.
Yeah. Thanks for stopping by
Oh, the helplessness of the mother as we watch our children leave the nest in pursuit of their dreams. Great description & story.
Thank you very much!
At least he was doing what he loved when it ended. That’s how I would chose to go. Excellent job!
http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/
Oh my! (I am laughing here) Thank you very much.
I reluctantly would like to take exception with a comment that precedes this one … the death of a son is a tragic event, and its admission doesn’t come easily or flow smoothly from the heart. The final, “rushed” paragraph is more of an eruption of emotion than it is a flaw in the writing. At first, I was tempted to suggest make “My son!” a separate paragraph … but now I think it works best as part of that last, raw paragraph. Thanks for visiting mine, which others might view at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/06/desolation.html
Thank you dear Scot for coming to my aid. Much appreciated.
I didn’t find anything wrong with the last paragraph either. I went back and re-read it just to see, and I was at a loss. You’ve done a beautiful job portraying the Mom in this. I could smile along with her in the first paragraph.
Because I’m such a geek my first thought was that this was going to be like Star Wars episode 4 where Luke wanted to be like his father. I don’t know that’s just where I went. Don’t mind me. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I’m going to leave the link for others to follow: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/06/friday-flash-fiction-start-day.html
Many thanks to you Atiya for the endorsement. Star Wars? Huh! I’m lost there, never watched any though my kids rave about it all the time. LOL!
awww… I like it..!
check mine out: http://niftitalks.com/2012/06/01/a-prayer/
Thanks, Nifti. Glad to see you on board. Off to yurs.
Very nice. Encouraging for your son to do amazing things.
Thanks!
Well writen and so bitersweet.
Many thanks for the visit.
So beautifully written and very emotive Celestine!
Glad for your appreciation, Gilly.
Ah…what a hard choice for a parent to make. Clip the wings and quash the spirit…or take the chance and let them soar.
~Susan (www.susanwenzel.com)
Beautifully and aptly captured, Susan. Thanks a mil!
The little detail of the bird on the mango tree really sold this for me, and made the reality of the story and the mother’s memory so much more concrete. Great consistent voice throughout, too. Nice Job!
Brian (thanks also for commenting on mine!)
Thank you so much, kind sir.
Reminds me of the tale of Icarus. Except this time it is the mother mourning her child who has crashed to the ground. Very nice
Yeah, was reminded of it too. Glad you came over.
Hey, RP, you’re good. Would never have thought about handling it this way. Wonderful juxtaposition there. I really liked the sweet vision of the child, for a change, since folks almost always give themselves away right off. You’re good with this FF stuff. š I’ve seen your comments on Boomie’s blog and meant to follow for awhile. Glad I came here.
Now you have made me swollen headed with so much praise. But I am tickled…….black! Thanks a mil for such lovely words and the follow.
Will be paying you a visit soon
OK. I didn’t see that coming.
The crash? That was really hard on me. As if it was my own son.
Good job. Nevertheless, I still think a writer’s gut feeling about their work surpasses whatever readers think so if you feel dissatisfied with your work, modify it until you are happy with it.
My link: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/
Thanks, Kwadwo for the advice. Glad you stopped by.
This was a beautiful and touching story. That last phrase: “My son!” so full of misery. You have written gorgeously, with every detail concise, but compelling. Bravo!
Thank you for your comments on mine.
As ever,
Lindaura
and for those who have not been there yet: http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com
I am honoured, Lindaura. Gracias!
A lovely story with an almost inevitable sad ending.
Many thanks, Mike.
What a sad, haunting melody of a story!
http://stonesoupnovelist.com/2012/05/31/a-scene-something-on-the-horizon/
‘haunting melody’ I like that. Thank you for commenting.
Ouch, ouch, ouch… again, ouch. I have a child who, when she was young, this sort of thing was a genuine fear for me, because she had no fear.
Kathy
http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/690/
We mothers always worry and fear for our kids. Thanks for the comment!
How touching. My first thought was of Icarus. Mankind has always envied the birds. Thanks for coming by my space. Here’s the lnk if others want to find it. http://melodypearson.com/june-1-2012-city-in-the-desert
I noticed the similarity, Melody. Many thanks for coming by.
Sounds like a beautiful elegy, nice job!
Many thanks, Monique.
This is heartbreaking and beautifully described. So very, very sad.
If any of your readers would like to read mine, here is the link: http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-waiting/
Thanks for your lovey compliment. Glad for the stop over, Lady Marilyn.
I wonder if this was Kofi’s only flight.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/
No, it wasn’t his only flight. Glad you stopped by,
Dear Friend,
You sure do know how to hook readers up, making them feel connected and then leaving them mourning them for one they all loved.
Beautifully written.
Regards,
Bittercharm
Oh Bittercharm, thanks for these wonderful words. Glad you were hooked by the story.
Oh i sure am hooked, i am going to keep coming back for more.
LOL! I’ll be giving you more then (that sounds corny)!
Great story Celeste – and so sad. Yet I’d rather know someone died while living rather than after waiting an entire lifetime and never really engaging. Only one crit. If you take out this phrase after telling us about the mournful tunes: “…that made him yearn to cradle them in his tiny arms.” I think it would make the story more succinct, even if it does fall shorter than 100 words.
Thank you for your critique. Done as suggested.
oooooh MY*mouth drop open* lady writing is flowing in your veins…i read you pieces and boom am inspired..i wish i was a born writter..*holding my chin wt a sigh*…but anyway am proud to have a friend who is a dope writter…you take da cup mami#italianaccent..keep up the good work…mwahhh
OMG! I am flattered! Proud to have you as a friend too. I am happy when I see your fashionable posts.
awwww thank you darls..you sweet…darls i dnt knw where thse bin hiding only i see them today lol
Beautifully described the simple pleasures in life, our hopes and dreams, fragility of our existence.
Thank you, Emma. And so sorry for the late reply.
What a sad, sad tale…
Indeed. Thanks!