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Friday Fictioneers, we are at it again and the fun continues unabated at Madison Woods. Thanks to the beautiful photo prompt by Maggie Duncan, I bring you a day earlier, my 100 word short story on the misty beauty of my Alma Mata, Aburi Girls Secondary School. Do feel free to critique, but gently please.
Light On The Hill
The grey dawn of the morning heralded the billowing presence of the mist as it rose gently and languorously up the hill, full and thick, enveloping trees, buildings and humans alike.
My school was not spared; she was bathed in this wordless wonder, stirring us awake as the cold dewy wetness hissed kissing us into frenzied activity. The rising bell, hardly penetrating becomes a dull reminder of rules that must be obeyed as we trudged over the connecting bridge, our yellow and brown pinafore brilliantly stark against the misty hue.
Bepow So Hann! We are the light on the hill.
* Bepow So Hann is the motto of my Alma Mata Aburi Girls Senior High School,
Hills overlooking Aburi (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
located in Aburi, in the Eastern Region of Ghana. It means The Light On The Hill.Being a hilly area, Aburi is always cold and travellers passing through are fascinated by the rising mist of the dawn as it glides beautifully over the hilly terrain. The photo prompt sent me down memory lane and these words true enough, capture the students, even today, as they trudge over the bridge separating the main site from the annex, blurring with the billowing mist.
To see what the rest of the Fictioneers are up to, do click on the little linky below. Thanks!
Beautiful imagery, Celestine. Thank you for the glimpse of your world. I enjoyed the journey.
Mine’s here: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/escape/
Thank you Rochelle. Loved your excerpt and can’t wiat for the book to come out
Lovely to see this through your eyes! “Languorously” is such an evocative word.
Thanks a million for commenting
beautiful imagery. This felt so peaceful, as if from another place in the universe, another time 🙂
Thank you, Carrie. Glad you came by
Thank you for a beautiful story for my photo!
Ow, Maggie; the pleasure is mine. I could not resist such a beautiful photo prompt. It inspired my muse. 🙂
What a wonderful description! I feel like I can see it and also feel the chilly air and hear the bell and sense the girls’ reluctance to wake up and start the next school day.
Thanks a mil! Those memories will stay wiht me forever. 🙂
Beautiful. I remember those pinafores. Hated the uniform of the junior girls. And boarding school dilemas…
Nicely done 🙂
Thank you, Nkem. I love those memories
Oh this took me back as well…my hoarding school was in a place like you described and oh those morning bells and hideous pinafores lol. Wonderful trip down memory lane, I am smiling as I write this. Thanks for the memories
You’re welcome Boomie. I loved my time at Aburi so much so that even now I am deeply involved in alumni activities.
Beautiful and so descriptive you painted the images so well!
Thank you so much for your lovely compliment.
rich description!
Thank you
an exquisite piece of prose. i was lost in the beauty of this day.
Thank you, Paige. I appreciate your coming over.
Sensitive description of what sounds like a magical place–lovely. (I also like “rising mist of the dawn as it glides…”: glides is the perfect word for depicting the movement of the early-morning mist) .
Thank you, Virginia. Indeed, I enjoyed my stay up the hill.
A lovely piece of writing – very evocative. Some gentle (I hope) suggestions:
In the last line you change the tense with ‘becomes’ – which rather stopped me in my tracks – deliberate? Also, I wonder if pinafore, should be pinafores?
Neither of these really distracted from the pleasure of reading it.
Thank you so much for your fine comments and suggestions which have been duly noted.
Your uniforms would be the perfect way to brighten those misty mornings 🙂
ha ha ha! Gilly! Spot on. 🙂
I like that you turned it into a memory. Nice description. 🙂
And what fine memories!
I love your school’s motto. Education is truly a beacon to light the way of the world.
Thank you, Jan
beautiful writing AND informative, Thanks! x
Thanks a million, Ana. Appreciate your continuous support
your prose is rich with imagery. I savored each word
Ow, I’m deeply humbled by your words
Love it – very evocative and eloquent. I could feel the mist around me. Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/flash-friday-fiction-13/
Ow, thank you so much, Erin. I enjoyed yours too.
A very nostalgic piece, beautifully done.
Thank you, Sandra.
Brilliant description of both the mist and the school – together the combination was perfect and I loved the line ‘cold dewy wetness hissed kissing us into frenzied activity’, it reminds me of my school in the fog too.
Here’s mine: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/08/24/friday-fictioneers-misty/
Thanks a million, Linda. Glad this piece sent you down memory lane too.
I’m glad too as I don’t venture there often enough 🙂
Your story reminds me of so many winter morning when we would pretend our school had vanished because the fog that covered it made it invisible from the my window.
I’m happy this sotry reminded you of fun times in your school. 🙂 Thank you for coming by.
Dear Celestine,
This is quite possibly the most beautiful 100 word story I have ever read by you. Full of love and light and mist and cold, memories rise and shine under the light of your words. So beautiful.
Do you know that I have learned more about Ghana because of you than any teacher or course has ever managed? And I have just learned more. What a beautiful remembrance. I can see you there, walking in the mist. Amazed i am by ths piece.
(Aloha means literally, ‘to share breath’. Ancient Hawaiians would greet each other by embracing and touching noses, ‘sharing breath’. Foreigners new to the Island in the 18th century were called ‘Haoles’ which meant ‘without breath’ because they were distant and remote to the natives way of thinking.)(Nowadays Aloha is used as a greeting and as a farewell. We say hello and goodbye with the same word. it also means Love.
Aloha,
Doug
What can I say, Doug? I am deeply honoued by your lovely words. Thank you for the lesson on Hawaii. I appreciate it. 🙂
Lovely description! I really enjoy reading all of your posts. You bring a different part of the world home to me. I may never see your Ghana, but through you I can visualize some of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Ow, I’m only too happy to oblige you and all my wonderful Friday Fictionners! 🙂
Stories based on personal experiences are always the best! Thanks for sharing yours!
Many thank to you too
What a wonderfully descriptive and picturesque telling this is. It has the, I’m sure desired, effect of bringing a static photo to life through the mirror of your memories. I can almost see it in my mind’s eye.
Ow, thank you, Jeffrey. Your words havve made my day
I can’t say my walk to school was anywhere near as beautiful as yours, I can say that you took me back in time. I envy the scenery you were treated to each. Thank you for commenting on my blog and catching that error.
You’re welcome Atiya. I appreciate your fine comments on mine.
I love the way you used the photo to carry you back in time. That image of the brown and yellow pinafores is especially vivid to me.
Thank you, Cindy
A lovely story, Celestine. My favourite word was ‘langorously’, you can’t even say it quickly. Now I fancy a langorous evening after a hard day at work. Thanks for stopping by mine as well.
I am smiling, imagining you in that langorous position, having a drink or reading. 🙂 Thank you, Anne.
To hold such a beautiful and lovely memory in your mind. And then in an instant the memory is nudged into remembering. And you remembered so very wonderfully well. Your words take us to that time, that moment, your emotions, very well done my friend, that I could have experienced it first hand is the only way this could have been better! Warm wishes to you today my friend, Penny
As usual Penny, I’m ever so happy to read your comments and I can only say gracias!
Si, I feel honored to share some of your special memories (especially) in such a creative style, my friend, Penny
What a beautiful story and i’m so impressed that it is true too. Stunning imagery and apart from a tiny dip into present tense in the second paragraph, nothing to critique at all!
Thanks for visiting mine too.
Your comments make me very happy, Elmo. And many thanks for the crit.
Beautiful Celestine. I too saw this as a morning dew waking the world.
Thank you Kimmy. Glad for your continuous support
No thanks needed. We support each other, we encourage each other. That’s what sisters do. 🙂
I like how you take us back in time to your memories, and then change it into something mythic and striking.
Many thanks
Celestine: How nice of you to share your memories with such glowing images and descriptions. And thank you for opening our eyes about your experiences and life in Ghana. Many of us need to know more.
The pleasure is mine, Lora.
Very nice imagery! I am curious about why the school is a “she?” 🙂
http://susielindau.com/2012/08/24/a-twisted-tale-flash-fiction/
Thank you Susie. Oh no particular reason; probably because she is a school for females. 🙂
You painted a beautiful picture with your word choices. I felt as if I could actually “see” what was happening.
~Susan
Ow, thanks a lot for your nice comment.
Well, as of my writing, you have 39 likes, 73 rave comments (I admit I haven’t read them all- but what I did sample was all positive) and 457 followers. So take what I have to say in perspective and, if you read my submission, you might get an idea where I am coming from. I always think less is more and so found your opening a bit overwritten. That’s not to say it wasn’t evocative and lyrical- just a little too much so for my taste. And that’s the kicker. “For my taste.” I think you’ve done a great job, nonetheless, in painting a picture and bringing us all back to your school days. It sounds beautiful amd idyllic and I will be reading more of your writings!
Thank you Paul. I appreciate your comments and would try to keep my wirting a little underwritten to keep you coming for more. 🙂
Oh the imagery is deliciously descriptive, what a wonderful writer you are I am so glad you share with me!
Ow thank you so much, Len. I am glad you appreciate my humble offering.