Hi folks, I’m back on Friday Fictioneers after being missing in action for a while now. I must admit that I missed you guys during the break. Though I’m still busy I couldn’t resist the prompt by Sandra Crook. Thanks to Madison Woods, here is another opportunity for us to bring out our best in the fun-filled 100 words short story. (I exceeded the limit by a good 13 words). Kindly read on and offer your crits and comments. 🙂
My Dream
I had to pass through the woods to get to my destination. I didn’t know where I was going but it was imperative that I got there.
The branches of the trees hung so low that they scratched my face and arms as I passed by and I winced. At that instant, I missed the boulders that lay scattered across my path and too late, I tripped, hurtling face down. I could feel my face split open as the warm blood gushed out. For a while I felt nothing, only a numbness of the face.
But the searing heat and pain when I woke up told me I hadn’t been dreaming after all.
To see what the rest of the Fictioneers are up to, do click on the little linky below. Thanks!
Ouch!!! Someone might need the medics…very original take. Good job! Good to have you back 🙂
Thank you, Boomie. I missed you guys too.
Welcome back and ouch! You could make some easy cuts if you want to get down to 100 words. Try “The low-hanging branches scratched my face and arms as I passed by, wincing” would cut out nine just there. If you say “missed the boulders that lay scatter across my path and tripped”, that’s another three. Make it “face-down” instead of “face down” and there are your thirteen words and you still the enjoyable (but not to the narrator) story but it’s tighter. Glad to have you back.
Thanks a mil for your wonderful suggestions. Will do; glad to be back among you guys. 🙂
Glad you’re back, too. And we’re almost to the next prompt. 🙂
very nice but OUCH! need a bandaid? 🙂
Ha ha. Thank you Len.
OUCH!
🙂
That sign in the photo should say, “Watch your step!”
I agree. 🙂
Yikes! great work, my friend!
Thanks a mil. Love your support, always
:)!!!
Yes, i can feel the cold, hard boulders on your face. A very good take on the challenge.
Thank you, Gilly.
Ouch! I hope you didnt hurt yourself too badly..
Not at all. 🙂
Wow, that was shocking… At first, I was reading it perfectly pleasantly, and then suddenly… wow.
Although, I thought “of the face” after saying the character could only feel numbness felt a bit of excessive, having mentioned that in the previous sentence.
But besides that, engaging as always.
http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/friday-fictioneers-peace-and-chaos/
Thank you so much, Littlewonder2.
That’s a real opener… a great hook. Nicely done.
Thank you Sandra. You prompt was very inspirational. 🙂
Welcome back, Celestine. I missed you. A rather painful take on the prompt. Ouch!
Thank you, Rochelle. Missed your wonderful creativity. Glad to be back. 🙂
Welcome back and thanks for sharing a painful take on the prompt with us. Sounds like the beginning of a larger story.
http://adrarasdreams.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/fridayfictioneers-gate.html
Thank you, Tollykit. I’m glad to be back with you guys. 🙂
Nothing says “compelling flash fiction” quite like a fairly, traumastic head wound. Very visceral piece and very nice job of making us feel the pain.
Thank you, Jeffrey.
Excellent take on the photo prompt! I could feel your character’s pain as she went tumbling down.
–Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/fridayfictioneers-flashfiction-climbing/
Thank you, Jan.
Oooh, a painful dream that turns out to be real! A very nice turnabout of plot (although not very nice for the protagonist of the story). Lovely!
Thanks for the comment, Jan.
what a painful experience but happens too many times in real life!
Yes, Sharmsihtha. Stranger thigns happen in real life. Thank you, as always. 🙂
Ouuuch! Painful dream, at least I hope it was a dream!
A horrible nightmare come true, Emma. Thank you
Sleep walking perhaps? It’s nice to have you back.
Thank you, Russel. No, this is not sleepwalking. More like a nightmare come true. 🙂
A waking nightmare–we’ve all had them. You’ve really captured that moment where we hope it’s all a dream but wake to a terrible reality. Excellent job.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/dukkha/
Thank you, Maggie.
We must tread carefully in our dreams or awaken to find that … well, that they aren’t dreams at all. Good job.
Many thanks. 🙂
Whoa. Talk about a dangerous trip through the woods. Nice. 🙂
Thank you, CC
” I didn’t know where I was going but it was imperative that I got there.” We’ve all had capricious plans go awry.
You are right.. Thanks a mil for commenting.
Ah, nice! A lot of dreams are a lot like that, except of course for the waking-up-to-find-out-you’ve-actually-split-your-face thing. I’m intrigued by that part though, so it worked for me. Good job!
Thankyou, Brian. It does happen, I mean dreaming and waking up to see physical signs that it was no dream or that the dream was real. 🙂
Ha, you speak the truth
Very effective piece, hurtling face down and the gushing blood. Great job.
Thank you. 🙂
someone is not having a good day!
Yeah. 🙂
I hope I never get a dream like that one – especially the ‘turning out to be real’ part!
My sentiments exactly.
Ouch. I hope she survived the non-dream. Gushing blood is never a good thing. Mine at http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/09/friday-fictioneers-captured.html
I agree. Thank you for coming by. 🙂
That sounded too real for a dream, too. I would not want a fall like that and will watch my steps carefully.
Stranger things happen, Joyce. 🙂
Oh, thanks for visiting mine, and glad to have you back in the writing game with fellow FFs.
Missed you guys, iof the truth be told, Joyce and I do ho;pe I stay for a while. 🙂
So sorry for my late visit , I am not getting your updates on reader, I think.,…Will you accept my sorry ?
Of course, Aman. I accept your apology thought there is really no reason for that. I was getting worried about you because I know that you are very consistent with your commenting. 🙂 Glad to know that all is well.
You are really The Friend 😀
Sleepwalking again, my dear?
Don’t.
Here’s wishing you better dreams.
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you, Doug. And not sleepwalking, but a nightmare come true. 🙂
You are very good at the short short. 🙂