Carpe Diem Prompt: Companions
Companions
sleepless night
I shiver
beside the wind
Copyright © Celestine Nudanu 10/07/13I appreciate your patience with me as I catch up on your blogs. Thanks a million! Shalom
Carpe Diem Haiku: Companions
10 Wednesday Jul 2013
Posted in Challenges, Haiku, Poetry
Reading Pleasure 
I like the chill and loneliness in this haiku. Can I make a couple of suggestions offered in the spirit of friendship not criticism?
You have 3 lines that are lovely but disconnected. What if you chose sleepless night to be a fragment and somehow joined the 2nd and 3rd line and made it the phrase? And what if you made it a tad more obvious that the cold wind is your companion? sleepless night/ I shiver /beside the wind. You don’t need the word “cold” because the word “shiver’ implies coldness. The word “beside” suggests the wind is a companion of sorts.
or something like that…thanks for letting me play.
I’m most grateful for your visit and critique. Very well taken 🙂
I am most grateful that I didn’t offend.That’s always a worry for me and why I don’t offer critique unless I know for sure an artist has said specifically that he/ she is open to it.
Never offended, Lolly. Haiku is new to me you know and so I welcome any comments that would enrich my work. 🙂
I can feel how the “lone companion” feels on that sleepless night.
Glad at your words, Blossom
Isn’t it great to have a constructive critique?
I’m happy for this, Gilly in more ways than one.
Loneliness can be a great companion, but I myself do like people around me. Nicely written on ‘companions’, very unique way to write.
Thank you Kristjaan. I had to re-do this gain thanks to Lolli.
Sounds cold
Freezing cold 🙂
Eek
Somehow I can feel the loneliness of insomnia in your word.. to me that is when I suffer most of loneliness. To me a loneliness is always bad, but if can think of it as solitude we gain strenght. And as strong human beings we can gain companions-
in loneliness
grow my solitude
face companions
Just some random musings inspired from your haiku and Lolly’s comment.
Bjorn, yes. Sometimes, when I am unable to sleep I feel so much alone in my thoughts even though my hubby is lying by my side. And yes, loneliness can make us strong when we crave some time alone, a solitude. 🙂
Powerful haiku you have up there my friend 🙂
😉
I saw the wind to be the lone companion. It kind of made me cold.
The lone companion is cold because she has no one to warm his/her bed, thus the sleepless night.
Nice but a bit sad–but sometimes that is the way things are.
Thanks. Sadness is part of us 🙂
Loneliness we fear, but it does give us company 🙂
Yes, in a lonely sort of way 🙂
Brr…I feel the chill.
I need my companion to keep me warm – especially in the winter time. 😉
There is nothing like the cozy warmth of a loved one on a hcilly night 🙂
I wish I had that guidance in the beginning. I work hard on trying to make mine more flowing. But I do like your haiku as is. We are all on a journey to get to know haiku better.
You are right, Maggie Grace. And I’m most grateful for your constant love and support 🙂
I sure can feel this one, you captured the feeling perfectly.
Thank you, Marie 🙂