It’s yet another Friday and time for Friday Fictioneers to post their 100 words story, based on the prompt by Madison Woods. Below is my story. Please, enjoy.
Diamond Tear Drops
Staring at the shattered remains of her dreams, her tears flowed freely, as water dipping off a rock, down her face onto her chest, hitting hard like diamonds, mingling with the cloying smell of her sweat-stained body. They glistened in the darkness of the room that was her soul.
Her dream was to be loved by her one and only; the man who had been able to reach deep into her heart to melt the ice that surrounded it. Now, he was no more; he lay dead in her bed, by her own hand. And she wept her heart out.
Reading Pleasure 
I love all the description. It really pulled me into the story and made me want to know more about what led up to the moment, and what dreams were shattered. I enjoy the fluidity of your writing.
Thank you so much for loving the descriptions and your nice words. Glad you stopped by. Will visit yours.
I wonder what transpired…. nice little story!
Left me toying with the why’s and how’s… Hope you pursue this till its end sometime…! Would love to read it in its entirety!
Oh, thank you. Will oblige you soon and glad you stopped by
Well you really got to the emotion of this piece – well done. Look forward to finding something more about what went on here.
Thank you Sandra. Will take up your suggestion
Wow! Killing the one that you love must suck! I loved the poetic nature of this (pun intended) The first paragraph read like prose. Well done!
Thanks, Susie. Glad you loved this piece. I’m off to yours.
Such powerful description and use of metaphor. Really very good indeed, can feel her despair and left wondering what went wrong. Heartbreaking.
Yes, it is, isn’t it? I’m happy you found the story so good. Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by.
I liked you use of metaphor here – you carried us right into the character’s mind and we saw the sorrow and pain there. There are a few typos but they didn’t distract me from the overal power of the story. Nicely done.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fiction-maturity/
Thanks a lot for your comments. Glad you liked it. It would be helpful if you could point out the typos for the necessary corrections. Will visit yours soon.
Err… now I have to find them again!! 😉
I think “unto” should be “onto” her chest.
Maybe not a typo, but I think I’d put “they glistened in the darkness of the room…” as a new sentence. Otherwise that sentence is long and has too many subclauses for my taste.
Personally I think it’s a colon before “the man”, because I always thought colon was something you could replace with “ie” or “that is” and a semi-colon was something you could replace with a conjuction, like because, but or so. But I think punctuation is a lot about personal preference these days!
I would also have preferred “the ice that surrounded it”. Oddly, because your use of had does make it clearer that the ice is now gone, but I just fel that the had was cumbersome when used in the context of the rest of the sentence. As if the ice was already past tense when the man reached in.
Ok, the last one i can find now is “by her own hands”. Again, hands may be technically more accurate, for example if she strangled him, but I have always heard that phrase used in the singular “by her own hand”, so that’s what I’d use here.
There, I hope that helps and doesn’t feel too nit-picking. You did ask!!!
E
Oh dear! (Now I’m sounding British) you are not nit-picking at all. I am so grateful for your constructive criticism. And I’ve done accordingly. Thanks a lot.
Wow, this was very emotional. I loved the last paragraph especially.
Thanks, Littlewonder, I’m elated.
Very emotional and descriptive. I wonder what he did to her.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/flash-fiction-story-2-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
Thanks. Would have to develop it some more to find out. Hopping over to yours.
of course this begs the question “why?” could be a hundred reasons. a good beginning to a short story or longer story. get going!
Thanks, Rich, for the vote of confidence.
I really like the mingling of outer and inner perceptions of pain. Adding “water dripping, off a rock” gives you an insight to her psyche. Immediately you know, she feels that ” This was done to me”
Good imagery!
Thank you for your insightful comments. Glad you stopped by. I’m off to yours.
Wow! Compassionately creepy! I like. Oddly, I feel sympathy for the killer. Nice.
here’s mine: http://wstadler.com
I am glad you liked this post. Yes, I agree, her tears are enough to draw some sympathy.
It’s interesting to contemplate what drove her to murderer him. Jealousy and infidelity can drive people to do crazy things so I wonder if its that. Great descriptions here!
I know you’ve read mine, but here’s my link anyway: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/
Thanks for the good feedback and for the hop over.
Lots of questions. What did he do to deserve that final blow? Rape or assault her? Cheat on her? Whatever the answer, she is now left with a lifetime of soul-searching guilt . Was it worth it? NIce work. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on mine.
Certainly not worth it; but it sure could be expanded to see how it would go. Thanks for the look-over.
I loved the emotion that pulled the reader in, made me want to know what happened. Here’s mine. http://jemcogdell.blogspot.com/2012/04/flash-fiction-hope.html
Thanks Jeanie, I tend to get emotional myself and this is reflected in most of my writings. Glad you dropped by.
Yes. She cries, for what she has lost. Is there regret? Maybe. Perhaps she will tell us next week.
Thank you.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
Yes, there is deep feeling of regret which may be told sometime soon. Thanks, JK.
He must have done something pretty bad for her to have killed him and yet mourn his loss like that. Great display of conflicting emotion.
Thanks, Madison. Maybe I ought to expand this to tie all the loose ends.
It’s okay to have questions lingering. Very few of mine are complete stories in 100-words…maybe none of them are. Some people are able to do that, though not me. This way, it lets the reader draw their own conclusions, but if you had a specific idea that’s just not coming across, then it might be a good idea to do something different with it.
I imagine a very serious betrayal was involved. I liked how you made the connection of her tears and her melting heart. Great share, here’s mine: http://remakingme-atiyatownes.blogspot.com/2012/04/friday-flash-fiction-goo.html
Atiya, glad you liked the connection. And yes, possibly there may have been some betrayal. That line could be explored. I appreciate your stop over. I’m off to yours.
A striking piece for its ability to sway such emotion in only 100 words. From despair, to love, to despair. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
Oh, I’m so glad you found this wonderful. Thank you for such positive feedback and for stopping by.
Wow, how intense is this story…a sense of lust, eeriness, compexity, all in one…I liked it…
Mine is: http://integrativethought.wordpress.com
Kris, I’m elated! Off to yours.
Hmmm… “You always hurt the one you love…”
Here’s my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z
Isn’t it one of life’s paradox? I’m happy to see you here. Will be over shortly.
“the shattered remains of her dreams” – very powerful imagery!
I agree, Stacy. Thanks for the hop over.
This is interesting, because first I thought her lover had left her, then I thought he’d died of some other cause, but I definitely did not expect that last revelation. And now I wonder: why did she do it?
Well done. Here’s mine:
It seems like a twist, doesn’t it? I don’t even know why she did it; maybe this could be explored in a later story. Thanks for the visit.
Wow, what hath she wrought? I liked the description of her tears like diamonds – made me think that she still had a bit of ice in her heart. I hope she finds a way through this!
Mine, late as it is, is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/flash-friday-fiction-8/
I’m gald you liked the descriptions. Possibly, my heroine has a bit of ice in her, to have been able to kill her man. But who knows? Thanks for the comment and for the visit.
I loved it. If it was just a woman crying about her dead love, that wouldn’t be very interesting, but since you combined it with her regret, it worked wonderfully.
Also, some very thoughtful images in the story. Well done : )
http://the-drabbler.com/splat/#comment-231
So glad you find the story interesting. I appreciate your comments and the stop over.
The greatest pains in life are those we inflict on ourselves. Very beautiful!
How true! Thanks for the comment; glad you found it beautiful.
I’m Danny Bowman and I am the blogger at glossarch.wordpress.com. Recently you commented on my blog that my story reminded you of rain makers in your native country. I am interested in learning more about what they do. I assume it is related to rains for crops?
I ask for a couple of reasons. First of all, you’re not the only one to take my story as a description of a ritual, and that was the farthest from my mind (funny how that works in writing!). Second, I minored in religious studies in college and I have an enduring interest in these topics. I also studied abroad in Tanzania, and while I am sure East Africa is very different I remember seeing a few agriculture based ceremonies. Plus there is a very distinct wet and dry season as opposed to where I live in the USA where the seasons are more temperature rather than moisture based. Finally I grew up in a desert, and so I love rain in general.
Thank you for your kind words and I enjoyed reading your story!
Hi Glossarch, I must have missed your comment; funny after all these months. I’m so sorry for that. Do send me your email addy so I can get the info you requested to you. 🙂
Wonderful descriptions. You write beautifully, Celestine.
Thanks for the compliment, Geosi. I appreciate it.
You have a very poetic nature and contrasting it with such a violent subject makes this very effective. Just as an afterthought, in the line ‘dripping off a rock,’ the ‘rock’ in this case can serve as a metaphor for your character. She’s unfeeling like a rock because of the act she committed, yet her tears of regret suggest she does indeed have feelings. At some level your poetic mind intended this, but you may not have realized it. Great stuff.
Thanks so much for your insightful comments and for the vote of confidence. Indeed, you are right; I hadn’t thought of the metaphoric rock in the fine way you analysed it. Very spot on and thank you once again. Much appreciated.
This reads like the beginning of a compelling story or novel, excellent and I hope you kept it going.
I am happy you think highly of this post. I may just have to develop it further. Thanks for the follow.
I like the word economy here. Brilliant!
Many thanks to you.
I’d love to read more on this one… Did you reply to glossarch?
Unfortunately no. I completely forgot all about it unitl reading your comment. Will get to him shortly.