Yeah, it’s Friday. And the ‘craze’ is on. Thanks to Madison Woods’ great concept of a 100 word shot of short stories, based on a weekly photo prompt, the Fictioneers are busy again, their awesome imaginations churning out wonderful pieces. I’m noted for writing my stories outside the box; but today, I’ve done well by writing within the box. (ha!) Have a great time reading it, even as you follow the other Fictioneers through Madison’s. Ciao
Sacriledge
The path through the evil forest zigzagged before me and I felt dizzy. I was gripped with great fear as I walked on. It was dark and I carried only a pale flickering lantern, its dim glow casting dancing shadows of leaves and branches in my way.
The elders and the priest had left me at the outskirts of the village, the gong-gong beater alerting everyone to stay indoors; I was not to be seen on my way to banishment.
My taboo baby twins were dead, sacrificed to appease the sacriledge. I had nothing to live for. The forest beckoned.
To see what the rest of the Fictioneers are up to, do click on the little linky below. Thanks!
Reading Pleasure 
Separate your last sentence into two sentences. Much more impact. Somber. Funereal.
Great story.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks Doug. It’s been taken care of.
There’s a lot of emotional punch in your 100 word fic. I really felt them. Great story. Now I’m curious to know what happens next. 🙂
Thank you, Melania. I am sure she would probably be swallowed up by the evil forest.
Oh, Celestine, so sad! Very atmospheric, and a real sense of isolation and loss.
Ours is here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/expect-the-unexpected
Thanks you, Joanna for your kind words. Will be over.
I LOVE IT!!!! Reminds me of Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart…well done!
My goodness, Boomie! This is the greatest compliment I’ve ever had. Many thanks my dear sister. So happy you love this. I wasn’t so sure this time, as I stayed within the box.
Honestly as I was reading it I remembered Things Fall Apart, the part where a boy that had being brought to Okonkwo was to be taken to the forest or something like that…well done, me likes very much 🙂
You know, I was inspired to write this theme by the nuemrous African Writers Series written by Nigerian authors. I do recall reading about the evil forest and twins being accursed in one of the novels either by Achebe or Amadi. More like Achebe since the only Amadi I’ve read is the Concubine.
Yes, it was Ikemefuna who was to be sacrificed and it was Okonkwo, his guardian and adopted father who raised the machete.
the journey of the judged woman. It is a rather sad and lonely journey huh?
http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-do-not-follow-me-home/
Yeah, more so now. Thanks a mil for coming by.
Harsh punishment, a well written story of shame.
Mine is here: http://wp.me/p1Wqon-aA
Thank you.
Great story! (And your blog page is GORGEOUS!) If it hasn’t been mentioned, the word “sacrilege” is spelled two different ways, between your title and your text. (Unless that was intentional and I missed a clue somewhere…the idea of being on a “ledge” and “sacriledge” is kind of interesting…)
I especially liked the visual image of the gong-gong beater. Very neat!
I’m in the link system, or here:
http://kbnelson.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/friday-flash-fiction-hot-water/
Thank you, Karen for your comments. Funny, but I debated over the spelling of Sacriledge for a while when writing not knowing which to use. I will go with the British spelling since we use that in Ghana. Many thanks once again.
The philosophy of banishment has always intrigued and saddened me. As usual, I loved your story.
–Jan
Thank you, Jan. I always look forward to your comments.
Harsh and full of emotion. I too would like to know if this story continues.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/a-walk-in-the-woods-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
Many thanks for your words. I just might develop it further.
I think I’d choose the evil forest over living among the people who sacrificed my twins anyway. Then I’d come up with a plan to destroy the entire town. “Judge not lest ye be judged,” as the saying goes. Great stuff!
http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/turn-back/
Ha ha ha! I like that, Brandon. Thanks a mil for coming over. Loved yours too.
Very ominous, and very touching at the same time. Good job.
Thank you so.
Great story, very atmospheric.
Thanks, karen
Heartbreaking. I hope such traditional practices don’t happen anymore.
“…its dim glow casting dancing shadows”… “The forest beckoned”…
You always have some piece of poetry to share with us, Celestine.
My flash fiction:http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/15/six-oclock/
Thank you, Kwadwo. Ow, I do love poetry so.
Such a sad story but wonderfully told. I’d love to read more about her survival and growth from this tragic beginning. Great job!
Thanks for visiting mine.
I appreciate your encouraging words, Virginia. Thanks a mil!
This has a really authentic ring to it – the true stuff of legends. Very nicely done.
Ow, Sandra. I’m tickled ‘black’ and grateful! lol!
🙂 🙂
Exiled. What a sad state of affairs. I think you hit a home run with this one. Great job.
Thanks for visiting & commenting on mine. We’ll have to do something about that talking bear 🙂
http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/
Thank you Russel for your kind words. And sure, that bear would have to cease talking! lol!
Imagine having to endure both losses – how traumatic and you handled it so beautifully. Here’s mine for anyone else that happens along 🙂
http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-visiting-grannys/
Thank you, Linda. Glad for your comments and stop over.
Very sad. Very well done. You evoked all kinds of emotions in such a short span of words. Here’s mine: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-6152012-the-watcher/
Thanks a mil.
Oh, the poor woman! And the worst of it is that she seems to accept these beliefs (and really, why wouldn’t she, if that’s what she’s been told all her life).
Very well written – you really pulled me into an unfamiliar set of ideas, made it clear what’s happening, and made me feel for the character, in just a few words.
My version – http://newpillowbook.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-a-walk-in-the-woods/
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. This is actually an outmoded custom of some parts of Africa, (though I am sure some vestiges of it may exist in far and out scattered communities) Very inhuman, I know.
Beautiful story! Very familiar too – unfortunately 😦
I think it will have so much more impact if written in the present tense… see what you think…
Thank you, Nifti. May consider it.
Good night! I mean, great story, but do much happened with so few words. Sad, somber, devastating. Nice work, Celestine!
CC
Thank you, CC.
a lot of emotion in this. bravo
Thanks a mil, Karmic Diva.
And the more powerful as we do not know what the act of sacrilege was.
Isobel, in the past, before the advent of Christianity, giving birth to twins was considered taboo in certain areas of Africa and the children were sacrificed to appease the gods. Thank you for stopping by.
Wow. That’s really sad. Sounds like a good start to a book! Thanks for leaving a comment on miine: http://saberdragon.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneer-on-the-path/
Thank you Gray Toast. I just might consider it.
Great story – the ones with nothing to live for are always the most interesting, huh? The first few sentences did an especially nice job of drawing me in, and then with the little turn when we learn this is a banishment I was hooked.
Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/15/arrival-in-sharesh-an-ill-omen/)
Thanks Brian. I enjoyed yours too.
People are so judgmental! I agree with the above, this could be the start of a longer tale if the protagonist can find a reason to go on.
Kathy
http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/breadcrumbs/
Thank you for the encouraging words, Kathy
Very powerful story. So much emotion in 100 words. Great work.
Thank you, Janet.
like the mythical feel
Thanks!
dancing shadows, banishment, and sacrifice…all the elements of a great story. I was left wondering what the sacriledge was, wanting more. I don’t know if you are planning to do any more with this, but if you do, I would be first in line to read it.
The sacriledge was giving birth to twins. Thank you Sam, for your support. I might just consider it.
I’m wondering, is the forest really evil or is it only that she is alone and afraid? How terrible it would be to be sent away like that. It seems I’ve read something before that indicated a fear of twins. I’m glad it isn’t a common opinion since I have twin brothers. I’d hate for them to have been killed at birth.
If the mother is banished, what happens when she has other children? Would my oldest brother and I have been banished along with her or would we be left behind?
This story has so many facets to it. I’d been playing with the idea of a culture that would banish people who didn’t fit in. I’ve thought, if there were enough of them they might join together and form their own village.
I love your stories, they always have depth. Plus I admire your ability to be comfortable writing in first person. That’s something I’ve never had the courage to try. I need to be able to look inside my other characters as well as the protagonist.
Excellent job. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/june-15-2012-the-trails-beginning/
Hi Melody, I will try and answer your question as best as I can. Yes indeed, it is truly an evil forest so named because no one enters it, only the banished. This culture is /was Nigerian, before the coming of the whiteman and colonisation. You see, it was believed that twins are not born of a natural order and they portend evil. So twins were considered taboo and were sacriced to appease the gods. The mother was then banished into the evil forest. Her fate is your guess as well as mine. If she had oyher kids, well then I presume the other family members took care of them. The legendary Nigerian writer Chinua Achebe may have something on this in his book Things Fall Apart. I dare say that othert African countires may have been culprits as well. I do believe that this culture might be on its way to being obsolete.
About the banished people/women coming together to form their own village. There is something similar in Ghana, my country where women accused of witchcraft are banished from the village to a place known as the Gambaga Witch Camp to fend for themselves. Theirs is a pathetic plight, with little or no means of livliehood. In recent times though, NGOs have come to their rescue and they are being rehabilitated.
Thanks a mil for your compliments. I really appreciate it.
Poor twin babies! why did she have to be banished??
http://writeforacause.org/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-one-road-two-souls/
Because giving birth to twins was an abomination punishable by banishment. Thank you for the visit.
Oh, I see! How pitiable could it be….especially for the mother.
Yeah, I agree. lol!
I was moved by your story and i felt for the poor soul going to banishment. Well done.
Thank you for stopping by
here is my link http://yaralwrites.com/
Thank you, Yaral. Appreciate the stopover.
Wow this is great, I love it. There is so much cultural deepth in this, I love how you used this prompt to do that, honouring tradition and village life is important I am glad you did that. I am very much looking forward to your post.
Thanks a mil, Viv, for your lovely comments.
Not a problem. cant wait till next week
We have twins in the family and I have told them about how, in some African countries, in older times, twins were always killed. The very logical reason for this being that we each have good and evil in us, and when twins were born, one was seen as being all good, and the other as being all evil. The problem was that, until they started to grow up, it was not possible to know which was which, so both were killed as a precaution.
I know about women being banished, which virtually condemns them to death because no-one else will take them in, and they can’t survive for long on their own. Banishment is usually associated with witchcraft, isn’t it? So, the mother who gives birth to twins in your story, must be considered to be a witch because of it.
Does the killing of twins still occur? I know that banishment does.
A very shivery, thought-provoking story.
I do believe that the practice of killing of twins is becoming obsolete if not completely, in parts of Africa, though I don’t have any stats to prove. What I can say for sure is that, in Ghana, banishing of witches or suspected witches is still ongoing, though NGOs have stepped in to halt the practice and rehabilitate these unfortuante women. What we must not lose sight of is that our cultures are deeply rooted in superstition and so any mishap, or unusual happening is atrributed to witchcraft. In my story, the woman is definitely not a witch. The belief is that twins bring misfortune and are an abomination that must be purged from society. Thank God for enlightenment and education. Thank you for your comments, Lady Marilyn.
It wasn’t so long ago that Europe was torturing and killing witches, or suspected witches. So, compared to that, banishment could seem more humane, even though it often ends in the death of the woman in the long run. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I’m an inquisitive old lady.
You’re most welcome. And inquisitive you are not, Lady Marilyn. I enjoyed the comments/conversation.
oh dear, no no no. how sad.
http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/fridayfictioneers-615-via-madison-woods/
Yeah, Rich. Sad is an understatement. I missed you on the blog. Glad you stopped by.
i read a bunch on friday, but there were probably a bunch posted after i was there. maybe i’ll have to go through again. thanks.
I’m not sure there’s anything left to say. There’s a sweet depth in few words. As a mother I can’t imagine the pain of losing two children like that. Thanks for sharing. .
Thanks for commenting on mine. Here’s the addy for your other readers. http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/06/mothers-gift.html
Thank you for coming over and for your kind words.
Not familiar with African folklore, etc., but I do see visions of “The Scarlet Letter” … Nice work. And thanks for reading mine.
You’re welcome. Many thanks too for coming over.
I liked the “gong-gong beater” — I wasn’t sure if “gong-gong” was a thing or a new interpretation of “gong” but it caught my attention. “Sacriledge” also intrigued me. It seemed like it was a monster or supernatural being of some sort. After reading this, I wanted to know the legend of the sacriledge.
‘Gong-gong’ is a type of hollow metal slab used to announce information in the rural/traditional setting. The beater holds the gong in one hand and a uses a stick to hit the metal, which makes a loud hollow sound, to alert the people. Everyone then listens in whiles the beater says his information in a loud voice. Sometime, once you hear the the sound, you rush out to meet him and when he has a sizeable crowd, he delivers his message.
The birth of twins is the sacriledge, an abomination that must be cleansed by the sacrifice of the twins to the gods. The woman is banished for bringing the bomination. These are all practices that were prevalent in some African countries but are now gettiing obsolete.
A great story. Glad you followed Doug’s advice. That last sentence, ‘The forest beckoned’ was a powerful ending. A call to an unknown and possibly dire future.
Thanks, Mike.
Perhaps the evil lurks within her village; It was there that the sacrifice took place. I wonder if she might find a comfort among the woodlands or if she will allow the forest to take her. Nicely done.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/flash-fiction-friday-letting-go/
I agree with you that the eveil lurks in her village. Thanks for stopping by.
The African touch is unique on this…and the image of ‘a pale flicking lantern casting dancing leaves and shadows your way’ is so appealing…Thanks for your creative effort sister!
Many thanks, Charles for your lovely compliment.
A lot has been said about the quality and power of the story you wrote (with which I agree … I have an affinity for myth and its role in culture, whether ancient or modern), so I will propose where the story might go next instead of regurgitating the praise others have rightfully provided over what you have written, if you are interested. You spoke of the “rehabilitated witches” of Ghana … how about a twist on that idea? And if you want to bring it into the modern world … including real or imaginary social reformers and neo-conservative hate groups … so much the better, only I would make it so that the “witches” actually have powers (hehehehe). Another option would be for the banished women in the evil forest to hook up and create a warrior caste (Amazonian, as it were) that ultimately undoes the oppressive beliefs that led to banishment in the first place … and, coming full-circle, fulfills the curse and purpose of the taboo. Just saying …
Mine is at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/06/no-escape.html, if anyone is interested.
Scot, thanks for your wonderful ideas. I just might consider writing this further into a useful novel or short story. Thank you once again
I loved this, you write in the style I love – vivid with plenty of imagery. You get across a spooky atmosphere very well. I particularly loved the “dancing shadows” caused by the lantern over the leaves and branches. A scary forest.
I like the story ending, but I kind of feel like she doesn’t care what happens to her now. The ending might have had more emotional punch at the end if she had to get somewhere, and actually feared having to go through the forest, but needed to or she would lose something precious. In a way, she has already lost everything precious now. Just my opinion though!
Oops, I forgot my link back:
http://writing-in-the-woods.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/friday-fictioneers-in-woods.html
I am happy you loved this short piece. Thank you for your nice comments. She really has no option since she knows of the consequencies of bringing forth twins. Besides, she now has nothing to lose, so sh might as well meet whatever fate has in store for her.
farrout! good writing sad
Thank you
Very dark and sad. I could not only see this as I was reading it but I could feel it as well.
Thank you, Michael.
Great story – loved the way that you created the mood and action so quickly.
Thank you. Glad you stopped by.
Great word. 😉
Many thanks
Before hitting send the first time, I meant to say that Sacrilege is a great word for a short short… Lots of material in our part of the world on this one and you did a superb job. 🙂
Thanks a mil, dear. Appreicate your taking time out to visit.
I wonder how many have walked a similar path ? very sad Celestine, but oh so good!
Thanks, Gilly